Is This Coming Out?

Maybe this is coming out. . .maybe i’ve been out- just saying it louder for the folks in the back.

To start, I survived. Often turning my face to the wall and resolving to die. But every time- every single time- I was greeted by some strange hand. Some billowing voice with a resounding message of hope. I had always found my mentors in books or documentaries. . . somewhere in history. And they always seemed to find me just in time.

I ponder the years I spent dutifully excluding others while plotting to end my life. I thought I was called to suffer. I became physically ill because I was rejecting myself thinking it was “right.” But all along, I had a growing conviction that everyone was lovable AND acceptable. I saw sacredness in the disinherited peoples and I secretly marched with them: Black & Brown people, Queer people, abused people, Poor people, threatened people. I wondered if I was right to think so.

I remember asking to know God again, to know truth, and to finally know peace. The revelations frightened me because they reflected a truth I’d always known- I am and have always been named the beloved-just as I am. “But how will I move through this world?,” I asked. “What will I say?,” I thought. These revelations gave meaning to that feeling I always had in my gut. To know I had something to say that might cost me my life if I didn’t offer it. The adjustment period was a quandary of emotion. But If you walk with me in the days to come, I will tell you some of the things that were whispered to me and of the tutors who upheld me perfectly.

It is under their tutelage that I-for the first time- felt undoubtedly welcomed and celebrated here on Earth. I am beyond grateful for Dr. James Hal Cone and all the many communicators that have helped me come closer to myself. I’m grateful to behold the examples I wished for. Each time I write, they gather to lift me up again. When I open mouth for the sake of the voiceless, my years are reclaimed-Black. Queer. Christocentric. Beloved, too. I love you all. I love myself first. 🌈-Teddy the Brave

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#black #queer #loved #pride