blessed sensitivity

My nervous system has been through the wringer these past few years. But it took these years for me to truly see that my nervous system has actually been through the wringer my entire life. I thought about the ways my body was always trying to adapt to stress as my mind was normalizing it. And I’m sensitive so my body will tell on me all the time. Food sensitivities, gut inflammation , head and muscle and joint pain, lethargy. I used to wake up in the middle of the night because I couldn’t keep food down and my siblings had to wake up and help clean me up. I remember falling asleep in the car before we could leave the driveway. And I won’t forget how I would speak in a monotone voice as an attempt to control and stabilize in volatile environments.

I often think, why can’t I just be normal. Eat the things I want in peace, not have to worry about things like cortisol, move freely. But since that is not my story right now, I have to take extra care. And there is nothing wrong with that. Sensitivity is an endowment that requires more. I have had to learn that constantly processing volatility caused me to be desensitized to my own well-being. Yes, I’m an alchemist but I’m not a machine in service to my stressors-I’m an entire being. I need to access my wonder. I need to cut away. I need to explain less. I need ease, balance. I need solace, respites. I need rejuvenation. I need clarity. I need to be more for myself and more in the way of restful regard.

Maybe you’re like me and your nervous system is a train derailed and your body can’t keep up with this adaptation to the current story. And perhaps your to-do list is full of things you will do in response to the chaos outside you. But it’s time to respond to yourself. YOU need YOU so YOU need to tend! Oh Theo and friends, feel the breadth of your spirit and answer when it calls you into deeper care, deeper acknowledgement. Softer days, sweeter nights.